For some men, the news that you’re going to be a dad can bring about a mix of feelings some positive, some not so positive. You could feel panic, anxiety, shock or numbness at first. This was the situation with Zoey’s dad. In my previous post I did mention that the pregnancy was not planned and it really came as a shock to the both of us. However the way he felt about it honestly was important to me and I only got to know when we went for our first doctors appointment.
The day I found out I was pregnant we tested together. He was positive I wasn’t and at some point said I had wasted money buying the test. When the results came out he did not say a word but laugh. Not a happy laugh, a somewhat unhappy giggle, that you joke kind of laugh. I was scared, he did not even want to talk about it. Each time I brought it up that week he brushed the subject off.
You can imagine the amount of stress I was going through that week and the thought of breaking it down to my parents (next post loading). Terminating was an option but I could not fathom the thought however I still went ahead with the pregnancy, found a gynae and gave him the date of our appointment.
One week on and nigga still ain’t talking about the baby we were having, it was only when I decided to have a drink that he said I shouldn’t be drinking and that was going to be my last. Did I hear that right lol yes he was concerned and was slowly adjusting to the situation.
We went for our first scan and saw our baby spinning, oh boy was he not excited. Our tiny human being was active and it was a beautiful sight. He had more questions than I did, was present for every appointment and would get so upset each time I had a little wine (this does not make me a bad mother).
I was booked for a C-section since Zoey was taking her sweet time. 40 weeks on , 9 months they say but I think its actually 10, we went to the hospital, he wanted to be in the theatre room but was not allowed. Had I delivered naturally he was ready to hold my hand through it all. We had researched on how he could help with the contractions and all the drama involved, I mean we were both excited at this point.
When the baby came he did not even want to leave the hospital, at some point he was kicked out by the nurse because he had stayed too long, that’s how much he loves his princess, it was love at first sight. The first three months of the sleepless nights were bearable because he was there and still is. He changes her diaper, soothes her to sleep, plays with her, sometimes thinks he’s a better parent than me.
He always imagined her to be tall and big like him and it looks like his wish came true.
Meanwhile during the nine months we did face challenges particularly on saving, adapting to the new life and preparing for the baby. Previously we had been planning that we were going to get married and have a baby a year or two later but God had his plans.
Moral of the lesson:
Most men need time to adjust till they eventually get into it. It might not feel real until the baby is born. This is when they can actually get involved and start being a dad.
Things you can do
- If you have mixed feelings about the pregnancy, try talking to other dads and expectant dads as a way of getting your head around the change.
- Accept what you’re feeling rather than ignoring it or trying to ‘fix it’.
- If your partner is upset that you’re not getting into the pregnancy, reassure her if you can.
- Discuss with your partner about how you can get involved in the pregnancy. For example, you can attend pregnancy appointments and scans.
- If you’re very unsure about your situation, talk with someone you can trust
- Its also a very difficult situation, and it’s normal to have strong emotions. It’s good to take some time to think about what you’re feeling. It can also help to learn more about becoming a dad.
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