He Keeps Coming Back…But Does Not Change

Ever tried to break up with some who always begs their way back but still does not change. You have given out too many chances to no avail. You begin to think maybe they are really into you besides the shitty behaviour, one day he will realize what he has in front of him and change.

This situation can lead to sleepless nights, an inability to move on, and constantly beating yourself up about the whole thing. My sister, wake tf up!

Sometimes, they are genuinely in love with you which is why they keep coming back but let’s not forget what this does to you mentally. It’s not healthy, we cannot run away from the fact that this person could just be taking you for a ride that is always available when he wants one.

Possible reasons why he keeps coming back:


I know, I know: This is a tough one to swallow. But sometimes, a potential suitor is truly and honestly attracted to you, but they still don’t see you as “the one.” This can go beyond the physical attraction, too: They may enjoy spending time with you, and find you funny and charming and the whole nine yards. But still, you’re not someone they want to fully commit to for one reason or another.


Past trauma can be a huge indicator that explains commitment issues. This might mean someone was broken up with unexpectedly or something awful happened in a past relationship. Whatever the cause, it has led the person to a situation that makes embarking on subsequent relationships difficult. If you are lucky this person could have mentioned too, they are not ready to commit.


Emotionally unavailable men are IN DENIAL that they have these issues. They think they’ve progressed when they haven’t. Or they are completely oblivious about their emotional distance. They may be simulating emotional attachment without ever actually feeling it.

Usually this happens because someone betrayed his trust, whether that was his ex-girlfriend or even his mother. He can’t come to terms with that and accept it. He can’t process the pain. That’s why he keeps “trying again” to work things out but keeps hitting the same roadblocks.

This guy would rather hurt you, if he must, rather than risk getting hurt himself – in the same way that traumatized him.


If he keeps coming back to you after a breakup, he either envies you (and the progress you’ve actually made in life) OR he’s coming back to you because you still haven’t made any progress in life like him. He is attracted to women who share a similar lifestyle as himself.

The best way to avoid his trap? Change your own life and start making progress on your own. Before long, you won’t have much in common with him.


He falls in love quickly and intensifies the relationship and then falls out of love with a shocking lack of attachment.

Insecure guys need to feel victorious in a relationship. He outgrew you, not the other way around. His ego demands that he leave before someone leaves him. Then he pursues another girl (preferably someone with low self-esteem) and starts the process all over again.

At the heart of this behaviour, is constant dread of being “not good enough” and to receive constant love from a variety of conquests. That’s why his desire to win you back (and discard you again) will always be tempting to him, because his ego demands constant attention.


In this case, he loves you (which explains why he keeps coming back) but can’t get over his fear of commitment, or more to the point, his fear of being vulnerable.

Why? Because some guys associate commitment and vulnerability with a complete loss of freedom and independence. Men who seek more control are afraid to lose what little freedom they have. They need that sense of control to function. If they sense a woman is pushing too hard, they will frequently jump ship.

If they come back to you, it’s probably because they really do want you, they want to commit, and yet their fear of vulnerability won’t let them progress in the relationship. They love the idea of you but can’t seem to fit you into their lifestyle.

If this is not clear enough, watch this video and be enlightened.

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  • uBu
    April 27, 2020 10:36 am

    I was stuck on this one guy for 11 years, I talk about it in my book. The one thing that is important to and most relationships was the one he never did right, communication. Mans could ghost for weeks only come back like nothing happened, talking about school or work had him by the balls.

    That week would be awesome and then back to default settings. My word. ???

    • faithpanashe
      May 13, 2020 11:23 am

      Ghosting for a week is too long. At least you finally got over it

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