Ever been in a relationship where he dictates the pace of the relationship? He does not only dictate the pace but y’all are happy when he is, sad when he is, hangout when he feels like it.
Those are some of the signs of a one-sided relationship. It is imbalanced.
Here are signs to look out for if you feel your relationship is one-sided:
Your partner’s calendar takes priority.
Do you move your commitments around and/or wait until you know if your partner is available before you make other plans? When you feel like everything else is more important than you are, then you’re likely in a one-sided relationship. There should be a balanced adjustment to schedules. If your partner only wants to see you when it suits them, then there is inequity in the relationship.
You do all of the heavy lifting.
Are you the one making all the plans, doing all the chores, and remembering his grandmother’s birthday? If so, consider stopping. You are giving way too much and expecting too little. According to Ellen Chute, LMSW, “Often people give and give with the unconscious expectation that the giving will be returned, only the other person never had those intentions.”
Your partner says you “want too much”.
Is it “too much” to want to spend the weekend together? “Too much” to want to meet his family? “Too much” to want to share emotions? Many partners in one-sided relationships are unwilling, or not interested, in giving more and unfortunately, the person that is least committed usually has the most power.
You’re always wrong.
If you’re in a one-sided relationship, you may find that when you finally get the courage to confront your partner about how you’re feeling, the tables get turned and you end up feeling like you’re at fault. This strategy allows your partner to never take responsibility for the way their actions make you feel.
You do all the initiating.
You shouldn’t have to beg for attention and affection. Texts, phone calls, seeing each other, getting intimate, both parties should want to connect physically and emotionally. If you’re looking at your friends’ relationships and wishing yours was like theirs, or you’re wishing your partner would do the things your friend’s partners do, that might be a red flag.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “AHA”, this pretty much describes my relationship, you’re moving in the right direction towards fixing things. But now that you’re aware…what’s next?
The best thing one can do next is talk to their partner about this, tell him how you feel and his reaction should you an answer.
If that does not work, step away and work on your own self-growth, instead of trying to save the relationship.