I could not help but think of Kerry Washington’s role in Scandal as I was thinking of this topic. She fixed everything including Fitz. Whatever she said would go and his final decision rested with her. He always wanted to know what she would think before calling the shots.
Women love fixing men and making them better people in life. We are told men are forever childish therefore need to be pointed in the right direction sometimes and it is a role women have taken upon themselves in relationships.
Be it broken, lazy, no focus in life women feel they can change this and turn him into the ideal man she perceives.
It’s been seen as a failing if a woman “can’t get a man” and worse still is that any sort of man will do. If you’re a good woman you’re supposed to be able to change him.
Men have been forced to believe that showing emotions is a sign of weakness and thus, damaged men. There is a blind faith that the woman can fix the man. That maybe she will be the reason why he loves life/loves himself/loves her.
Some women do have a strong mothering or nurturing instinct therefore will always push to make him better. This change is not trying to change a serial killer into a saint, generally the things they want to change in a man are his bad-boy ways, his laziness or even (heaven forbid) his obsession with sports or video games. Things like that.
Trying to change a man can be dangerous. It can backfire, disappoint or even put your relationship on the rocks. When a woman sets out to change her man, this can often lead to nagging, and from what I understand, there’s almost nothing in the world that men hate more than nagging.
What you can do is sit down with him and explain that this or that bothers you. That way he knows you don’t like this or that. Some guys are really clueless, no matter how many angry glares or sighs you send his way.
Meanwhile, Ask Feminists call this the “I Can Change Him/I Can Help Him’ syndrome.” It occurs when a woman focuses her energies of fixing anything that she deems to be incorrect with him.
What are your thoughts on the “I can change him syndrome”? Do you think women trying to change men is a big a problem? And if so, what should be done about it? Shouldn’t we teach women to let men be who they are, and not try to change them?
Don’t you think everybody would be happier in relationships if women allowed men to be who they truly are, and not constantly try to mould them into the man they want them to be?